hotel room ftw
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
