She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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