halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
wow bdsm is so cute
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
