Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
