So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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