I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
