sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
stop calling my apartment porn island.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
