I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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