We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
