Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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