He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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