So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
