Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
where are my eyebrows?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
