I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
