Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
