Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
