Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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