theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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