I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
