Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
