It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
