I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
