i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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