what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize