see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
