I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
