it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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