my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
