Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
