I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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