All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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