My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
