Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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