when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
