I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
