you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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