I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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