She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
