I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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