hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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