so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
