PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
