My first STD was from a foam party
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
