Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
