just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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