she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
