Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize