p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
