my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
