I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
