I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
