I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am naked and annoyed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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