she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
