I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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