I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
