Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
