For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
