I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
