woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
