I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
