Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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