Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
