I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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