I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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