chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
time to smoke my breakfast
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
