she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
